“Let me love you a little more. Before you’re not little anymore”
I’m not going to lie, I’ve never been a massive fan of the newborn/baby stage. My anxiety is at its highest when it comes to my children’s health and when they’re newborns I worry about everything from illness and temperatures to SIDS.
I really loathed the sleepless nights. I used to get the dread every evening knowing I was going to be awake most of the night. I struggled with the attention that a newborn constantly required and longed for the days when they became more independent. When they could entertain themselves and read and play.
Then I had my third and final child.
It’s been 12 weeks since we welcomed her into the world. And I feel like it’s all come around to bite me in the bum. I think I finally understand the definition of the world Karma. All those days and nights I spent wishing my children would grow up and here I am with Raya growing up so quickly it’s actually scary. I feel like I’ve blinked and she’s 3 months old. No longer that tiny newborn, no more of those snuggled cuddles on my chest. Or that newborn baby smell.
You are my last. The last child I will ever have. The last baby I will ever carry in my womb. The last baby I felt from inside my body. The last baby I will ever rock to sleep. I will experience the last first smile. The last first laugh and the last first step.
Luckily for our family, our eldest is still young enough that I still get some firsts. First day of secondary school. First date.
After this baby, we’ll put away the crib. The highchair. She’ll be the last to need a car seat and the last to have her first ever day at school. She will take us onto the next stage and our lives will change drastically once she grows up.
There will be a time when everybody can get themselves dressed. When all of them are in school at the same time. And scarily of all, a time when they won’t need our help anymore.
So here I am this time around, embracing all of the little things I loathed the first two times around. I enjoyed the sleep deprived night feeds, I take photos of her pretty smile every single day, and I cuddle her at every given opportunity. I know it sounds a bit exaggerated, but that saying “You don’t what you have until it’s gone” – it’s so true.